Are there rules for email etiquette?
Yes? No? Maybe?
Any way you look at it, there should be.
So, in light of my being thoroughly annoyed by a distinct lack of email etiquette lately, here are my five simple…
RULES FOR EMAIL ETIQUETTE (when you initiate an email)
- If you send me an email and I reply in less than a week, politely answering your inane questions and asking socially acceptable questions about your work, pets, and family, you should reply to me in less than a week. After all, it was you who emailed me in the first place so it only stands to reason that you wanted me to reply.
- If, in fact, you didn’t want me to reply, please don’t email me. It’s fine if you don’t care to hear from me. I’d rather know that than go on being deluded by you.
- Should you email me and I reply and, three weeks or more later, I find myself wondering if perhaps you died and that’s why you never replied, please do know that I don’t want to email you any more. If you are, in fact, still alive, that is. If you’re dead, my condolences to your family.
- Never, never, never email me a half-assed reply to something you asked for by telling me that you’ll reply to the rest later and, if you don’t, remind you to do it. I will never, never, never beg you to humor me with a piddly little bunch of words that are nothing more than that.
- Just tell me if you’re too busy to bother with me any more. I’ve got my big girl panties on. I can take it. In fact, I’d like to take it. It’d save me a hell of a lot of annoyance in my life when I really don’t need any.
Thank you for reading my tantrum.