Snow White and the …… zzz

Sorry, fell asleep writing the title there. Much as I did watching the movie.

That’s right, I finally watched Snow White and the Huntsman starring Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, and Sam Claflin.

And I kind of wish I hadn’t.

To put it all in a nutshell, it is my firm belief that Rupert Sanders (the director) decided to see just how many special effects and how much CGI he could cram into a two hour movie, and leave it at that.

Yes, Snow White was there. Yes, the evil queen was there. Yes, there was a huntsman. But no, there was no plot – other than what fit around the special effects.

Movies, stories, what have you… they all need plots.

Or, at the very least, they need characters that get your interest and actors who can bring said characters to life and, you know, act.

So we’ve established that I don’t think Snow White and the Huntsman had a plot beyond the fact that there was, indeed, a Snow White being hunted by, yes, a huntsman.

We’ve also established that, while intriguing for a little while, the special effects were just a tad overdone.

Onto the acting…

The only actor who made his role compelling and interesting and likable was Sam Claflin. I was rooting for William throughout the movie, even when he was a little boy. In the end, I decided that it was right that he wasn’t paired off with Snow White (or was he? I’m not totally sure they clarified that, although it was blatantly obvious that they left it open for a sequel or six.) because she was just not good enough for him.

Chris Hemsworth, as “The Huntsman,” did what it appears he does best – he beat the crap out of things, scowled, and showed off his muscles while attempting to seem forlorn. I found myself wishing that it was Liam Hemsworth in the movie instead.

Charlize Theron was badly underused as Ravenna. She can do so much more. I kind of wonder if she was disappointed in herself for agreeing to the role at all after she saw the final product.

Last but not least is Kristen Stewart, i.e. Snow White. I’ve seen her in a lot of things now, and they aren’t all Twilight movies. I’ve seen Speak, Adventureland, In the Land of Women, and part of The Runaways. I’ve come to a conclusion; she acts the same in every role. Even with a British accent, she had the same facial expressions, the same body language, the same bearing as she’s had in every other movie. In this, all she had to do was look conflicted, in pain, sad, determined, and occasionally alarmed. She’s got those things down. But I need more. Even the final scene, when she’s crowned (spoiler-y, but we all knew it was coming) she looks conflicted and in pain which doesn’t at all jive with what she should be.

(By the way, Speak is an amazing movie that everyone should see.)

Sanders flirted with a love triangle in this movie – between Snow White, the Huntsman, and William – but left it too open.

Then, of course, Sanders got himself involved in a real love triangle when he cheated on his wife with Kristen Stewart and, to the horror of Twi-hards everywhere, broke up the all important couple that was/is/never will be/always will be Robsten.

After that little to-do, there were rumors about Sanders dropping Snow White (i.e. Stewart) from future sequels and focusing instead on the Huntsman (i.e. Hemsworth beating the crap out of people for… who knows what). My vote? Get a new director or put it all to rest.


3 thoughts on “Snow White and the …… zzz

  1. Lol! I have a feeling I’ve already ranted against the movie elsewhere in blogosphere. But the movie is bad enough for another one. And my view is a little harsher than yours.

    Simply put, it was a crap movie in which nobody but maaaaybe Charlize Theron showed any signs of being actors. In fact, I think parts of the movie just defied logic! For instance I can’t shake the scene of the “war” where Stewart rides up to the castle … in broad daylight on the beach with hair flying in the wind! Really?? No wonder she was greeted with a barrage of arrows that decimated her army. I wish they’d at least pretended to try… :-/

    • “At least pretended to try” would have been a very good thing. I like the way you put that, very true.

      Charlize Theron could have been amazing in this movie, but she wasn’t. I still say Sam Claflin was pretty good.

      But yeah, it definitely defied logic.

      You know a movie’s bad when you find yourself rooting for the evil queen’s evil-er brother…

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