Letters to my neighbors.

Dear neighbor to the rear of me,

I do not like pigeons. Why must you feed pigeons and attract them to my yard? I can deal with the sparrows you feed, but pigeons are no more than rats with wings. Consider too that our mutual neighbor has a cat that he lets roam free and clear, often into your yard on bird hunting expeditions. Why do that to the birds you apparently love?

Also, after one day last winter finding my dog in my yard standing in a patch of snow dyed red with pigeon blood, and then spending an hour picking up pigeon feathers, breastbones, and legs from my yard, please know that it took all the decency I have in me not to throw it all over the fence into your yard.

Then again, to be fair, I would have had to split the carcass between your yard and the cat owner’s yard because I fully believe that the cat killed and ate most of the pigeon while my dog was simply minding her own business and trying to keep her yard clean.

Next time, it goes in your yard.


Dear neighbors across the street,

Yes, I’m speaking to both of you.

Do you know that your dogs bark constantly? I don’t mean they bark constantly when someone walks by your house, I mean they bark constantly.

Please realize that, while I understand leaving windows open on nice days while you’re at work, that entitles the rest of the neighborhood to listen to your dogs bark. All day, every day.

And you with the tiny yapper dog, don’t tie your dog outside where it has no stimulation other than barking at the two dogs in the open window next door.


Dear neighbors to the right of me,

You are irresponisble and inconsiderate.

I hate to be so blunt, but I’ve tried beating around the bush and you just don’t get it.

Teaching your two year old triplets to play in my driveway, without my permission, is dangerous to say the least. Aside from the fact that I don’t want your kids playing in my yard or my driveway, driveways are dangerous places because of the cars. If you want them in a driveway, keep them in yours. And, when they venture beyond that as two year olds are likely to do, don’t just stand there and call them back – get off your lazy asses and come get them. Teach them to stay out of my driveway.

Let’s talk about your dog too. If you’re standing on your porch or in your driveway and you see your dog come and poop in my yard, do the decent thing and come pick it up. Don’t stand there, pretend you didn’t see, and then wander away. I’ve watched you do this, so I know that is just what you do. I’m going to start leaving bags of your dog’s poop in your yard, where your two year olds can get them.

That’s what I did with the dead chipmunk I found in my driveway that I saw your cat with. It was funny too, in a sad sort of way; I watched for a week while you stepped around the chipmunk body in your driveway and told the kids not to touch it.

Last but not least, speaking of your cat, get rid of it or keep it inside.


4 thoughts on “Letters to my neighbors.

  1. Sounds like a challenging neighborhood…even living in the country, as we do, is no guarantee of quiet and order. Our neighbors to the east are currently putting in a hog confinement system. We knew it could happen, but we sure are hoping that the prevailing breezes go the other way. Good luck with yours…

    • Same to you. I will definitely keep hoping that the breezes go the other way for you.

      I live in a suburb built when no one wanted big yards so everything’s kind of crammed together.

      I hated to complain about my neighbors, but I felt better after writing about it, so there’s that.

    • Thank you very much for saying that. I really do appreciate it. And I love your blog.

      As for my happening neighborhood, I may have to amend that. New people moved in over the weekend and the kids have already broken the fence that keeps my dog in my yard. Fun times.

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